i could go into the kitchen and make soup right now. i could chop up a whole onion and put it in there and nobody could stop me. i could put cereal in it. i could dump the whole bowl onto the floor and roll around in it naked while barbie girl plays and then order ten of those 7 foot long gummy snakes online and nobody could do a goddamned thing. being an adult is terrifying
me at family parties
• “who even are these people”
• “lets play a game called guess the wifi password”
• “yes i am really this tall”
• “can we leave now”
• “free food holla”
• “im really bad at guessing wifi passwords”
- "no i don’t have a boyfriend"
at my school there’s an english teacher and an american teacher and they always glare at each other and when they pass each other in the hallway the american teacher will say ‘good show governor’ or something and the english teacher will say ‘god bless the land of the free’ and both in terrible accents and like the whole school ships it
A couple planned to get married on the lawn near the Jefferson Memorial but their wedding was cancelled because of the government shutdown. So Stephen Colbert decided to marry them on his show.
I love that instead of a bouquet, she’s holding an Emmy.
If you don’t love this man get out of my face
loOK AT STEPHEN’S OUTFIT JFC